Up North Progressive

About 500 years ago in the days before the 2016 election, Trumpians and Bernie Bros alike poured over emails Wikileaks received from Russian hackers at the behest of the Trump campaign searching for any dirt on Hillary Clinton that could be used to fuel even more vitriolic misogynist bile against her and her campaign. An otherwise innocuous thread of emails among the Clinton staff discussing eating pizza led to social media sites like reddit and 4chan developing a conspiracy theory that the pizza discussion was code for child trafficking and prostitution. The main location for this bizarre and disgusting child sex ring conspiracy was Comet Ping Pong in Washington D.C. The joke quickly gained momentum until Trump believer Edgar Welch shot the lock off a door in the pizza parlor looking for abused children to liberate from the evil clutches of the Democratic Party. Much like Prime Minister Trudeau’s detachable eyebrows, there are still people who believe Pizzagate is a real thing today.

So it only makes sense that if the evil Democrats are turning pizza parlors (and homeless camps in Arizona) into child abuse parlors, then Republicans need to turn pizza parlors into their headquarters to do what all Republicans feel it is their duty to do: Shame women for having sex.

Pompeii’s Pizza of Baldwin, Michigan is the home of a new crisis pregnancy center. With no shred of irony, a pizza parlor is now a location where militant anti-choice goons gaslight women over their health care choices. These anti-choice storefronts aggressively lure women in and once they’re inside, do everything possible to coerce them into not choosing abortion – a legal, safe medical procedure – and instead insist they must bring the pregnancy to term regardless of the woman’s financial, emotional and physical ability to do so. CPC’s will outright lie if necessary to ensure a woman does not get an abortion. They use misinforming, gruesome videos the Saw movie franchise wishes they could get away with and not get an NC-17 rating. They will tell women that abortions lead to breast cancer, uterine infections, and even suicide; none of which are true. Remember, God says lies are okay, just as long as you’re lying to godless females for carrying fetuses in their tummies.

Now the people running West Shore Pregnancy and Family Support/Pompeii’s Pizza and Subs claim they are only helping girls who would otherwise be ashamed they were pregnant because shaming women and girls for having sex has never been treated as a sinful thing before in the history of fundamentalist Christianity. They want their pizza parlor/pregnancy center to be a haven where education and support are available with fast free delivery.

And do they support a woman’s right to choose any health care if they’re pregnant? Let’s go to the source. Here is the page on the pizza parlor/CPC’s website about choices.

Notice how only abortion gets the negative treatment? That’s because this is like any other CPC that tries to strong-arm women to comply with the anti-choice agenda. Just in case you chose abortion in the past, there is help for that too.

If you get an abortion you’re going to feel shame, loss, self-loathing and even anger that you chose your own reproductive health care. If you’re not feeling shame yet, then come to Pompeii’s CPC and you can enjoy a slice while we convince you God hates you and you must beg for forgiveness before we pass the bread sticks.

Comet Ping Pong was never part of a child sex ring. Pompeii’s Pizza is now a crisis pregnancy center. If you’re reading this right now and you need real help and facts about your options, then please know there is a place you can go. Planned Parenthood has clinics in Big Rapids and Traverse City. They can offer you services, testing, and their cost is based on what you can afford. There is no shame in getting pregnant, even if you’re not married, or not yet an adult. Don’t let the vultures of crisis pregnancy centers convince you otherwise.