Fund Raising GOP Style: Only One Answer Matters On Our Multi-page Questionnaire

Saturday , 30, May 2015 Leave a comment

Not that political party fund raising ever stops (just ask any member of the Democratic Party to show you their email inbox some time), but it’s interesting to see the level of creativity the GOP conjures when asking for funds. Since most Republican-leaning people still get the bulk of their correspondence via a metal box on a post in front of their house, daily email alerts are probably not as effective as slick snail mail asking for money. Or in the case of this example, outright extortion.

A fund raiser cleverly disguised as a very official looking census questionnaire would make any FOX News-fueled person convinced Obama’s America is a fascistcommunistgaynazimuslimdeathpanel police state willing to fill it out and let the GOP know just how mad as hell they are about the fact they’re living in a fascistcommunistgaynazimuslimdeathpanel police state. It comes with a four page letter and very official looking census envelope.


The letter is what you would expect from a GOP fund raiser pretending to look like an official government census document. It contains a long litany of all of the evil Obama has done to our country and without your help, it will continue unless the Republican Party wins the White House in 2016. The questions are what you would expect to see on FOX News, sans the typical y-axis impaired graph.

Anyone who is still first, a member of the Republican Party and second, capable of critical thinking must know this is in no way an official census. There is only one section of questions anyone at the RNC cares about, and it’s this:

More specifically, this:

The RNC knows they’re duping people scared to death after six years of propaganda that Obama is the Antichrist into sending fifteen dollars to “process” their completed census. What these people don’t know is the census they took time out of their day to fill out will never be read. No political party conducts research in this way. It’s all done by telephone. The only answer the GOP is interested on this questionnaire is whether you’re going to send them fifteen dollars, or perhaps more. Probably not the answer they want, but certainly the answer the Republican Party deserves:

The only question left – is it worth a stamp to send it in?

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