The Conservative Political Action Conference Has Begun: Try To Contain Your Glee

Thursday , 26, February 2015 Leave a comment

Every year the most far right of the conservative fringe flock together to Washington D.C. for a three day orgy of ultra-conservative values conferencing, keynote speakers and breakout sessions. The purpose is to rally the base, motivate youth to join their cause, and anoint the most exalted among them for the 2016 presidential election with a straw poll. It’s the royal palace of echo chambers, and only the most ideologically pure are invited to attend.

Of course, it might be a good idea to check if you have the stomach to handle watching even a few seconds of CPAC coverage. Mash the button on this classic from a 2012 breakout session and see how long you last. One of the “rappers” in this video is Steven Crowder. Yes, that Steven Crowder.

Only the strongest can pass that test.

Speakers at CPAC are all of the people one would expect to come to a right-wing echo chamber. Sarah Palin hopefully hasn’t sobered up too much from the Iowa Freedom Summit and will provide more incredible convoluted word salads for us all to snicker at. One speaker’s name comes as a surprise – not because he’s less than conservative enough, but that he’s not a red-blooded guns and guts American. Nigel Farage heads the United Kingdom Independent Party. The best way to describe UKIP is they’re the British answer to the tea party. Nigel makes Maggie Thatcher look like a bleeding heart liberal.

Some of the highlights of the CPAC agenda’s list of speakers, breakout sessions, workshops and panel discussions include:

  • The Conservative Replacement to Obamacare
  • America the Military Superpower: What is the Right Size for our Military?
  • Frack That! What Is Fracking and How Will it Change America?
  • Reining in a Lawless President: Obamnesty and Other Pen and Phone Affronts.
  • Supply-side Strategy: Exposing and Confronting the Abortion Industry as Big Business.
  • Can Islam and Democracy Co-Exist?
  • How Capitalism Empowers the Poor

The grand finale of CPAC is the straw poll. This year is important, as 2016 presidential hopefuls want to make the best impression for that totally important nod from the nation’s conservatives, and is a good barometer of the Republican Party’s honest chances of winning the White House.

There’s plenty of fun things happening outside of the conference too, as this video from the 2012 CPAC conference shows when some Occupy Wall Street protesters were graced by the appearance of the late Andrew Breitbart.

So load up CPAN online if you can, listen to the speakers (if they ever get their audio equipment working this weekend), and immerse yourself in what conservative America would look like if these people were in charge.

Horrifying thought, isn’t it?

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